


Before chips are down

by Maymoon0525



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maymoon0525/pseuds/Maymoon0525
Summary: The ending is set, Jesus knows it but Judas doesn't.Their relationship has changed.
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Kudos: 14





	1. Jesus

The snake in the Garden of Eden is a symbol of evil.

But if it had not been the Will of the Lord, how could the snake ever have entered the Garden of Eden?

As Judas in the apostle, who will become synonymous with betraying.

But his betrayal would have been appropriate, fulfilling the God's expectations.

Even if this expectation will lead to the crucifixion of Jesus.

The path becomes clearer by the day, and each day you learn more about your birth and your end.

Visions and dreams are all over you on a daily basis, and every day's events seem to meet before.

You feel less and less alive, like a broken projector, bouncing and repeating.

  
Mary said you've been so far apart lately. Is something bothering you?

You already know she's going to ask the question, and, predictably, you brush it off the way you already know it, touch her head with a smile.

Watching her squint and enjoying your touch makes you feel a little sad, but you're not sure if it's heartfelt or prophetic.

It's like living in a dream.

But in this dreams, everything is reality.

It makes you more, more and more unable to see Judas.

You know he will betray you, you know he will take the thirty dollars, you know he will come to you with the Roman guards.

But you don't understand why he will.

Does your friendship over the years is not as important to Judas as you think it is?

Unacceptable, intolerable.

You know Judas hasn't done anything yet, but watching him as he always does makes you more and more anxious.

This anxiety makes you go to Judas place less and less. You'd rather stay out all night, talk to people, help patients, fill your time with hustle, and it's much easier than reading and chatting with Judas.

You can see Judas's confusion, but you have no way of explaining it.

What’s the point about explanation? He'll betray you sooner or later anyway.

So you grab whoever is next to you and you talk to them every time you see Judas walking up to you, you talk and talk until you see Judas giving up and walking away.

Once, twice, four times, ten times.

You think Judas get it.

But you don't anticipate that Judas wouldn't give up.

You casually grabbed someone and started talking once again, thought Judas had left after.

Half relieved, you let the conversation end.

But Judas was smoking and waiting in your blind spot.

As soon as the conversation ends, he grabs your arm and drags you along.

It's not that hard to break away from him, but you're distracted by an unexpected development and let him take you for a while before you ask, "What are you doing?"

Judas continues to pull you away without turning his head. "I prepared dinner," he said. "You are coming."

It was an affirmative sentence.

The anxiety rises again and you push it down.

Judas is grabbing you. He won't let you go. He wants you to have dinner with him.

The hand on your arm is so warm.

These all make you want to cry.

He's still here. He hasn’t gone.

Maybe you could have dinner again as what you did, you think.

You didn't say a word, you didn't say no, you just let Judas grab you away.

You want to sink in the warmth of this moment.

Even if, even if this could be the last warmth before chips are down.

Let you be.


	2. Judas

How many times did you wake up in the middle of the night?

There was nothing but the sound of your breathing in this room. It was quiet, but not quite right.

There is nobody sleeping on your sofa.

The dormitory has been changed several times over the years, but the same thing is that Jesus always has the key of your place.

It has become such a habit that you reserve a key for him without even thinking about it.

Your semi-cohabitation continues to lengthen as well. Jesus is a bit of a homeless person and could be in anyone's place without having a place of his own.

And your place, it is the place that he stays most often, you leave a cabinet for him, everybody also acquiesce here is where the most possible place to find Jesus.

But things aren't quite right these days, and you don't know why, Jesus is showing up less and less in your place.

You are used to having hands hung over your shoulders, interrupt your reading and call you to dinner; used to waking up to a light snore on the couch and a dark-haired man lying in your living room.

You're even used to the gaze you get during the night, and you sleep better under that gaze, which should say.

When did these suddenly disappear?

When you come back from reading, find out it's late and no one asks you to eat.

When you get up in the morning and habitually turn on the water heater for the dark-haired man, and find out no one needs it.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, find the only person in the whole house is you.

These scare you.

Life will change, people will change, and you understand, but it should not be him, should not be you two.

He is the anchor of your life. If that anchor disappears overnight, where would the tide carry you?

You start to lose sleep.

Of course, you'll still see him, on all sorts of occasions.

Over the years, it has become impossible to separate your activities from his.

And you know what you're fighting for, and you know your purpose is good.

But you're uneasy about the atmosphere in the group these days. There's a fever creeping in.

After one activity after another, you see him, but you don't have chance to talk to him.

He's always talking to people.

He doesn't look at you, he doesn't pay attention to you, and there's always someone to grab his attention.

Where has he been sleeping lately? Did you cook dinner for someone else?

These unfamiliar emotions make you unsure of how to deal with them.

You walk away once, twice, four times, ten times.

He doesn’t even look at you. What the hell is going on?

You look at him and think he looks tired.

You're worried.

Another meeting ended and he started talking to people again.

You found a shelter, lighted up your cigarette, and wait.

You believe he can’t go on forever.

After a while, when he finally finished the conversation, he looked around, visibly relieved.

He was obviously dodging you, so you grabbed his arm and pulled him toward your place.

He let you take him, and after a long while he asks, "What are you doing?"

How long has it been since you heard him speak to you alone? You feel like crying.

So instead of looking back, you say, "I prepared dinner and you are coming."

Jesus doesn’t refuse.

You continue to drag him by the hand and start worrying about what things left in the fridge.

This time you would cook for him.


End file.
